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So Small, Silly Human

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 I sit. Sorting the negative thoughts that swirl in my brain. Why is it always the bad moments that replay in quiet space? On repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Until I've memorized every word. All the things I said. All the things I should have said. It's too late now. So they replay. Rewind. Repeat. I sit. Listening to the creek babbling. The birds awakening. Watching the sun crawling Across the tops of the evergreens - swaying. And then I hear her. "What are you doing?"  She whispers inside my head. "You are so small. None of this matters." And I'm laughing. Suddenly. Cackling in the dawn mist as the tears melt the conversations that torture me. Silly human. You are so small. My hot breath forms vapor clouds in the cold morning as it shoots from my lungs, Laughter flowing from my mouth and down the canyon. Dancing with the babbling water. And now new words repeat and replay in my head. But they bring peace instead of pain. You are so small. You are so small. Sil...
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Friendly Greetings and Simultaneous Goodbyes

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The clouds drift lazily across a vibrant blue sky They kiss each other in passing The friendly greeting, Simultaneous goodbye. I am like the clouds Hellos and goodbyes in the same breath. Never stationary. Nice to meet you I love you I wish you well Safe journeys Whispers in the wind, Lost to the sky. Screams in the void, Beautiful goodbyes. The only things that make sense. Precious moments Perfect moments Terrible moments Stretching before you infinitely Already passed The only moment Here and now Embrace it, You'll never touch it again. Sand through your fingertips Let it tickle Let it go Let it mean everything. Hello. I love you. Goodbye. It's enough. It's everything you need. Just believe. Just breathe. Breathe.   Love, ~Placebo Poet x
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When Our Hearts Break

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Sometimes we break our own hearts We come to the jolting realization that the thoughts we've held aren't honest Or true Or healthy. We lie to ourselves. We awake one day with a hollowness so deep within our being it feels we'll never be whole again We can't breathe The world seems bleak And there's no place to lay blame Because it was you. It was me. I reached into my own chest and squeezed until there was nothing left And then  Eventually When the hollowness threatens to consume You understand You accept That the only thing to do Is keep putting one foot in front of the other Rebuild yourself Rebuild your life Maybe you walk a lonely path for a while Maybe for always But if you become someone who's company you enjoy It's not so bad The hollow is there It's waiting for me. But "life goes not backwards  Nor tarries with yesterday" So forward I go A girl and her van. And if my heart...
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People We Once Knew

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I can not leave and expect you to remain. I return from a place Far away And find your face has changed. Your nights are filled with laughter which is no longer mine. And maybe that hurts for a moment, But the reality is, It's fine. Sometimes I feel the sting, Of being left behind. But you weren't the one who disappeared. Or drew the fine line. I see you now, In the streets And we exchange a nod But only in passing As you laugh with your friends My memories have moved on. Now a new girl is by your side And I hold tightly to the sanity in my mind. And maybe one day, We'll be friends again. Or maybe one day we'll perfect the way we pretend That we never hurt each other And there's nothing there to mend. I wonder, Sometimes, If I should be sad, And mourn a thing We might have had, But the truth of the matter is, I just want us both to be glad. And that's a thing that didn't happen side by side So that's a thing I put out o...
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The Happiest Person She's Known

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She leans in close And over the din of voices, tells me "You're the happiest person I've ever known." And I fight to stop my eyes welling up As I wonder What in the world she's been shown. Who is it that she sees? A smiling face, sure But on bended knees Because I haven't felt like the happiest Since long before she's met me. Those introduced to me with the darkness that's grown Still see the light Despite the sadness to which I'm prone And what does that mean, That they insist on a different image seen? Those things don't align at all in my head And those things don't align at all while I'm lying in bed Tortured over who I was or who I might have been. "You're the happiest person I've ever known." But the sadness is there All mine to own. Is it lying then, to hear these words And hold my tongue? Is it lying then To le...
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Fire and Spit and Vinegar

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"You said I would find a home within the fragile substance of my soul." But I'm not fragile anymore. I've finally proven myself to the only one that matters. Myself. And the truth is, I'm fire and spit and vinegar. I'm dirt and thorns and burns, up and down my body. And I love my scars, Because they tell a story of a girl Unafraid to get hurt for the things she loves and the people she believes in. And if the fire in my belly scares you, That's unfortunate But I won't damp it down Because I'm feeding it Feeding it Everyday Because I want to be consumed By passion By love By kindness And I leaned there is no happiness without suffering So I will continue to smile wide And open my arms to pain Because it's only temporary Because I did find a home in my soul But there is nothing fragile about it. So either come in Or get out of my doorway Because I've got places to be And faces to k...
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Picking Leaves That Make the Cut

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Welcome to Placebo Poet's first post!   I thought something short and sweet would be a good start, and I'm really resonating once more with this piece, forever asking myself, "Should I stay or should I go?"  "Should I put down roots?" Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy! If you need me... You can find me in the street With a grin Picking leaves that make the cut Stomping every sixth crack Moving in multiples of three You can find me in the woods Constructing a life out of bubble gum and spider webs And cackling Cause that's all the thoughts in my head If you need me... Don't. I'm not even here Only you can hold back your fear. But if you need me... I'll be in the meadow Caressing leaves Crushing flowers Smelling roots Contemplating how to grow some of my own. Or if I should bother. If you need me I'm in the wind Scream your worries to the world And I'll echo them bac...
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